How are your kids doing socially? Are they able to make friends—and just as importantly, keep them? Or do their friendships sometimes fall apart when things don’t go the way they expect?
From what I’ve seen and experienced, so much of this comes down to environment. There are certain friends our children feel completely comfortable with—safe enough to express their biggest emotions. And then there are others around whom they hold back, carefully managing how much of themselves they show.
As parents, it can be confusing. If an entire school day goes by without a phone call about an argument or incident, it’s easy to assume everything is fine. On the surface, it often is. But what we don’t always see is the effort it takes for our children to navigate those relationships during the day.
We often hear the saying that friends are the family we choose. But for our children, that dynamic can feel very different. At home, we are their safe place—the ones who see the full range of their emotions. And because of that, we’re often on the receiving end of the frustration, the outbursts, and the intensity they hold in elsewhere.
It raises a difficult question: why do they seem to treat their friends with more patience than they treat us? They don’t yell at their friends the same way. They don’t push them away with the same intensity. At least, not in the same way we sometimes experience at home.
It’s not easy to make sense of—but it is something many of us quietly witness every day.
